Bashing the French?? Mais Oui!

I can't resist posting these,

from the incomparable Kim DuToit at http://theothersideofkim.com/

Ten Great Moments in French History

1. 770 AD: Charlemagne marries (bigamously) the 13-year old Hildegard of Swabia, thereby setting the standard for French sexual behavior for future generations.

2. 1756: Mayonnaise is invented in the kitchens of the Duc de Richelieu. The chef’s name was not Hellman.

3. 1790: Metric system devised, for people unable to count past the number of fingers on their hands. The metre was redefined in 1960, and again in 1983. Thus, something “1-metre long” made in 1955 will have different dimensions to the same item made in 1965, and 1985.

4. 1792: The guillotine is first used, on a highwayman. Politicians follow soon afterwards.

5. 1862: Victor Hugo’s Les Misérables is first published, after 17 years of writing.

6. 1871: France surrenders to Germany. (Repeat performance occurs in 1940.)

7. 1886: Paul Vieille invents smokeless gunpowder. One hundred years later, Simone de Beauvoir dies, not from gunfire.

8. 1893: Guy de Maupassant dies of syphilis at age 43. His publicist calls it “bad writer’s cramp”.

9. 1943: Catherine Deneuve is born. All men born within ten years before and ten years after are grateful.

10. 1985: The Directorate-General for External Security (DGSE) sinks Greenpeace’s ship, the Rainbow Warrior, at the direct authorization of President Mitterrand. Since then, the French government has done nothing worthwhile*.

*Factoid: One of the French officers involved in the sabotage was Lt. Gerard Royal - brother of current Socialist politician and presidential hopeful Ségolène Royal. Ségolène Royal was a ”chargée de mission” (special adviser) to Mitterrand in 1985.